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Thursday, November 7, 2013

39 days down.

(I'm aware that my last post ends with a pinky promise to not go on hiatus again. Err, oops.)

The original plan was to have this blogpost up 30 days ago, but its unsurprising how my procrastination has followed me to a different time zone. Even as I'm typing this, I'm well aware that time is ticking on my assignments' deadline as well. But that's just how I've always done things I guess, with an inevitable blog post  upcoming next month complaining about my incurable procrastination.

"How are you Jules? How's UK treating you?"

I get that type of question a lot nowadays, and I always answer positively. Yes, I'm adjusting well. Yes, I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies. Yes, I'm getting along with the locals. Yes, my classes are fine. Yes, I'm freezing my ass off here.

Because it's all true. I have somewhat adapted myself to life here. I haven't settled into a definite routine yet though, and I'm hoping that will come soon so I'll feel a little less disorientated. 


I really miss home though. 

There's absolutely nothing I want now more than to wake up and find myself in my own bed, finding again that my sister has snatched all the covers, having my parents in the room next to me, and a fluffy dog that gets more and more spoilt every day. To complain about the hot weather that makes you sweat even whilst standing still.

Homesickness has struck me particularly badly this week. All the excitement of being in a new place has now worn off, and it has really hit me that I'll have to be here for over half a year still, with weather that's only going to get increasingly worse. 

I miss marble/tiled floors. I know carpeted floors are better for warmth, but I hate not being able to go barefooted in my own room. I mean I could, but it just feels far too icky.

I miss my maid. To have to do all my cleaning and cooking myself is a completely new experience for me, and while it hasn't been too much of a hassle, it would be nice to not have to worry about what to cook everyday. And it wouldn't hurt to come back to a hot meal on the table too.

I miss Malaysian food. Well, not really, I don't think I've been here long enough to miss local tastes, and I've never been terribly fond of our oily local dishes. But I miss the convenience of being able to drive out in my own car with good company, for a meal anytime and anywhere I please.

I miss mamak stalls. SO BADLY. It's not about the food, it's about the norm of being there once or twice a week for chitchat sessions with the usual bunch. Even though the atmosphere pales in comparison to a coffee place, we've always felt more comfortable there anyway, and I'll pretend its not because we're cheapskates. Going to a mamak at night just seems like the most Malaysian practice in the world now.

I miss the regular bunch. I miss just chilling out and poking fun at everyone. I miss the gossip sessions where we find out the guys are far worse gossips than the girls; and the relationship counselling sessions. I miss the completely random conversations; I even miss the times where we'd just go out and stare at each other or our phones and not say much the whole night.

I miss the bestf. I've never told her how much I freaking appreciate everything she's done for me, especially the days running up to my departure where she was helping me with every single detail, up to the point of literally packing my entire luggage for me and sleeping over every night. We always see too much of each other 'till we complain that we're sick of the other, but a few days later we'll say we miss each other again. I wish you were here with me so we could explore this new world together babe. Don't replace me k?

I miss the slave. Even though he regularly checks up on me because he's just that kind of wonderful person, sometimes it just isn't enough. We used to be 100% updated on each others' lives and still have a million things to talk about. I miss having one of my strongest supporting pillars/punching bag near me, with all his hyper happy energy. Miss you so much bubu. 

I miss my family. The second I was truly allowed to spread my wings and fly, I wanted to turn tail and hide in the nest. I miss the house I grew up in; with all the memories and hopes and dreams and fantasies it houses, especially knowing that it won't look the same when I get back after the renovation works. I miss my parents; for all I complain about them and take them for granted, not having them (especially my mom) near me, sucks. And all the Skype calls in the world just isn't enough.

Most of all, I miss my sister. I already knew I would miss her; I cried even back home thinking that I'd have to be apart from her for so long. Noone else has seen more sides of me, heard more of my horrible jokes, or been bugged by me more than her. I miss my partner in crime. I miss our weekly sushi lunches and sporadic baking sessions. I hate that I won't be there for her transition from high school to college. And I especially hate that I can't come back everyday and jump on her/smack her bum and speak embarrassing baby talk I only use with her.


I miss home.

I flew halfway around the world, to a country I've always dreamed of living in. I've taken in the rolling countryside and crisp autumn air and British accents, I've happily adopted the sweater-jeans-boots uniform, and I've even finally joined a gym.

But home is where the heart is; and my Malaysian heart is already clamouring to return to its roots. The grass may be a lot greener in England, but it has nothing on the icky, smelly mud patches we call fields. Suddenly, all the ridiculous politics and rampant street crime has evaporated into near nothingness, and the two main reasons I've ever wanted to migrate don't seem to matter anymore.

I've even started planning things to do when I get back. I want all my time abroad to race by so I'll finally be back in my hot and humid country again, hopefully with me not having too badly screwed up my exams.


But I am grateful for the good things here too. That I've managed to find a solid group of friends in our small little college bunch. For people that have practically never talked to each other before, we've managed to get along amazingly well, and I'm so happy to have found a family here. And of course, it doesn't hurt to have a childhood friend living upstairs to guide me along my way in adapting to foreign life.

I'm grateful for good shopping and excellent return policies, and grateful for the freedom to experiment with any cooking ingredients I want. I'm grateful for the freedom to furnish my barren living space however I please so it feels most like home (just by adding nauseating amounts of pink). 

I'm grateful for this opportunity I've been given to have a life-changing experience, and I plan to make the most of it. But all the same, I'm grateful that I'm only doing one year abroad, because I don't think you could drag me back here for another year once I go home next July.


From day one, the two most important polaroids from my departure flight have been placed on eye level in front of my computer. I miss every single one of you; including those that couldn't be there to send me off but have otherwise bade bon voyage.

I'll try to become the best possible person I can be. I hope I'll make you all proud of me. 


I can't wait to come home, Malaysia.

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