Wednesday, January 30, 2013

How I become after a month of being a complete social recluse.

(This post was written on a whim. You can clearly see where random moodswings and abrupt topic changes have taken place. Mostly though, I'm being extremely whiney and annoying. Because this is my personal space and I can be like this sometimes, so there.) (It also involves a lot of brackets.)

I don't juggle well.

And I don't mean juggling balls. (teehee someone said balls) (that's what she said) (why am I being so juvenile) (oh gosh look what not sleeping does to a person) (please don't leave me) (I'm sorry I'll stop typing in nonsensical brackets) (or try to anyway)

I meant that over these past few weeks, I have had six pressing obligations to attend to. Four are my course assignments, one is an upcoming mooting competition, and the last one is a secret side project I'm working on. I'm really excited about that one, and I'm hoping to be able to talk about it here soon!

The first five obligations basically require me to be glued to my computer screen every single available waking moment, doing the most boring research you could ever imagine, and attempting to type out an essay based on all the crap I've managed to put together. While I do love writing, there is absolutely no fun in writing law assignments. I mean, I have literally taken a break from researching, and stared at my wall for almost an hour, just because that was just so much more fun than what I was doing.

I've been so busy and worked up over producing decent assignments, that I'm now seriously considering pulling out of the mooting competition, just because the deadlines overlap. I've proven to be absolutely horrific at managing my time with more than one major obligation at a time, and I'm worried that in the end, both my assignments and my mooting performance will suffer.

I haven't had a decent, stress-free night of sleep in weeks, and I average around 5 hours of sleep per day. While the lack of sleep alone is fine, even though it makes me look like crap, its the bloody stress that makes me want to rip my skin off. So many times when I close my eyes, I still see myself sitting in front of the computer screen typing.

"Welcome to the reality of being a lawyer," says mommy after hearing me complain about things. Thanks a lot for reminding me that I'm on the brink of entering working life. Shit.

Because of all these things, I even banned myself from going out with my friends for a month, after all my assignments were handed in, and I felt like crap whenever I have to deny an outing. I also haven't been out shopping or having nice desserts or doing anything remotely fun yet in 2013.

I haven't been blogging much either. And although that may just be a convenient excuse as I don't blog much under any circumstances, it was just so frustrating how I was typing thousands of words, but didn't like anything I was typing. It's hard to insert wit into an assignment involving rights in land law, without being tasteless or irrelevant, and it might have just cost me marks. Oops.

I've become so anti-social, a hermit shell has been starting to grow on my back. So I suppose it isn't such a bad thing that my lack of sleep has made me look like a pimply monster with stringy hair and eyebags bigger than my Asian-sized eyes. It's not like anyone's gonna see me.

Or date me. Sigh. So much for 2013 being the first year ever of actually having a real Valentine's Date.

So really then, if I have all these complaints about my super heavy workload, then what the hell am I doing here blogging? Shouldn't I be reading enticing articles written by grumpy old farts in their brown tweed overcoats with elbow patches? Or putting together cohesive sentences using bombastic words in a desperate attempt to fool the lecturer that the assignment was done over weeks instead of 3 sleepless nights?

Umm, not really. It's the end of January, and I've officially been slogging my ass off for over a month now. My stamina has been worn to the ground, and I'm in that delusional state of mind where I believe I have earned my right to procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate.

And in the meantime watch every single video of this really cute British youtuber that I've literally just discovered two days ago, called "danisnotonfire". I've never been into skinny guys, as besides thinking their not masculine, being a plus sized person I dread being in a relationship where people describe us as "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean". (Does anyone even know that line anymore? Sigh I am so uncool someone shoot me.)

But my Waterloo is British accents. There is absolutely nothing sexier to me, and it instantly turns an average looking guy into a male Adonis. And I swoon at British accents so much, I worry that when I fly off to the UK this year I'll be admitted by concerned strangers into a psychiatric ward.

I mean come on, how could anyone not be attracted to the way Jude Law or Hugh Grant speaks?  (Yes, my favourite movies are light and playful romantic comedies, go ahead and judge.) That sensual, mellow, soothing tone that is as comforting as hot chocolate on a cold, rainy night. Absolutely delicious.

But I digress. Where was I?

With all the assignment and mooting nonsense I have going on now, I don't think my brain has ever worked more in its life. And I don't normally entertain melodrama, but at this point of mental exhaustion, I really don't give a shit.

The sight of my law books now literally repel me. I can force myself to open books and pdf format articles, but my eyes just skim over everything and refuse to slow down to allow my brain to absorb anything. I sound like a waterproof mascara. And I would really like to go swimming, because I haven't in a long time, but my hair is already dry enough without the excess chlorine.

Oh wow. I can't believe I just went off on that tangent. I mean, that's the degree of randomness I normally have when talking with people I'm most comfortable with, but I usually have more structured outlines for blogposts.

I guess this is what happens when you decide to let yourself type anything and everything that pops into your head and publish it for everyone to see. What was that saying? It was better to keep silent so that people merely think you're an idiot rather than open your mouth and confirm it?

Meh. I'm sleep-deprived and in full zombie mode. I think I'll take the night off and go continue fantasising about my new youtube crush. But don't worry, I'm not one of those crazy fangirls that have celebrities as their wallpapers and screensavers and call them their "boyfriends" or "husbands". I hate those people. They annoy me.

But this guy is really cute, albeit skinny, and I know the attraction is fully based on the accent. Most girls never seem to mind if a guy is all skin and bone though. Skinny bitches. I wish I was skinny too. Then maybe someone would actually ask me out.

I'm sorry I've wasted your time. This is probably the weirdest post I've ever published, even though its how I regularly chat with people. I guess I've never seen my randomness in full-blown written style though. (teehee full-blown)

But I think I'd better stop now before things get out of hand. (that's what she said) (oh gosh what the hell is wrong with me I need sleep)

Please don't stop reading my blog. Pretty please?

Or I will hunt you down and force-feed you smelly tofu, Asian ninja style.

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