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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Three steps forward, two steps back.

Author's note: Story discontinued; will try again next time for a better romantic interest for Rhiannon.

Rhiannon sighed with happiness, reliving the moment when

Rhiannon sunk her head into her knees, bitterly regretting

Devon grabbed Rhiannon's hand as she rose to leave the park bench they had been sitting on. Once again, he had attempted to force masked emotions out into the open, and once again, she chose to leave the scene rather than answer his burning questions. But Devon wanted answers this time, and Rhiannon could not just leave him hanging yet again.

"WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF LETTING ME BE CLOSER TO YOU?", Devon angrily blurted, unaware that his grip had painfully tightened on Rhiannon's wrist in his rage.

Rhiannon glanced back, and Devon was shocked to see the tears in her eyes. Concern for her washed over him and instantly wiped out every trace of other emotions, and he gently moved her back to sitting on the bench. He had upset her, which was not the reaction he had initially been aiming for when he asked for them to spend more time together alone.

__

I can't write about this shit, because I can't even finish writing before the whole landscape changes, and anything I previously wrote has no bearing on the current scene anymore. I feel like I'm in some bloody Twilight Zone (which is unrelated to any form of glittery vampires), and have no idea what is going on anymore.

One minute its a happy romantic story, the next it's sad, but now it's a warzone. We already started out treading on eggshells today, but now he's dropped another nuclear bomb which sent me scuttling to the confines of my emergency underground shelter. I don't know if I can deal with this emotional rollercoaster for much longer.

But the thing is, I'm not sure I want to walk away from him, at least not just yet.


And this makes zero sense, because he is literally the opposite of what I look for in a guy. I don't mean this in the whole "opposites attract" way in romantic comedies where Katherine Heigl falls in love with some drop dead gorgeous man (I have a huge weakness for James Marsden and Gerard Butler), after realising she's not suited for the less hot guy she'd been pining for throughout the first half of the movie.

I mean the type where we both literally have nothing in common. I'm not attracted to his looks, or conversational skills, and that's basically all I know about him thus far. I do like how I genuinely believe he cares for me in every possible way, but would that make me someone that only likes the attention he's giving?

I have a mental list of attributes I find attractive in the opposite sex, and perhaps he scores points for being focused/determined, and generally good-natured/even-tempered. However, he has dangerously douchéy tendencies that set off the warning bells in my head.

But then again, if I was only attracted to something as ancillary as his attentiveness, he wouldn't have the power to hurt me. He doesn't have the ability to break my heart yet, but as of now he is capable of causing unpleasant fractures.

Because despite myself, I know I am attracted to him. I just don't know why, because he's not tall or sexy or has good English. What I do know is that in the past few days all I've been looking forward to is the time we spend chatting. He doesn't make me giddy or giggly or any of those gawky, goofy words that start with a G, but my mood does noticeably lift whenever his incoming text lights up my phone screen.


But he wants far more than what I am willing to give, and I'm not sure I'm willing to give him anything at all just yet. After all, what more can he expect from a previously casual acquaintance he's only started being close to a few weeks ago?

__

Rhiannon dried her eyes and peeked sideways at Devon, who was frustratedly pinching his glabella (which means the area between your eyebrows, for any uneducated pervs out there). She had always known that she couldn't avoid answering him forever, but she knew she couldn't give him the answer he wanted to hear.

"I like you, Devon. I like talking to you, even though most of the time we misunderstand what the other is saying. I like knowing that you care about me. I like that I can be my silly self with you, and you still laugh at all my horrible jokes and compliment me afterwards. But right now, all I want for us is to get to know each other better, and to continue being great friends."

Rhiannon finally straightened and looked meekly across at Devon, wary of his reaction to her voiced decision to remain platonic. She just could not be sure if he would be calm and accepting, or if the angry monster within him would be unleashed yet again.

But even then, her fingers snaked across the short distance to Devon's hand, and intertwined with his. 

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