Thursday, July 12, 2012

Why I write.

A few days back, I had a little chat with a friend. He told me that once he finished his current degree, he was going to leave it all to pursue his interest in film-making. I haven't seen any of his work so I can't judge its quality, but it was just the way he said it: underneath his calm tone laid a strong undercurrent of pride and passion.

I was insanely jealous at first, but then it occurred to me that I have a passion of my own too. I love to write. Sometimes it makes no sense and merely forms a random jumble of thoughts with no clear head or tail (actually most of the time), sometimes its a fictional story with imaginary characters, and sometimes its strong emotional feelings on a particular issue.

I have no favourite content when it comes to writing, because every piece I type details exactly how I was inspired at the time, and thus every piece is an outward expression of myself. I don't boast excellent grammar or vocabulary, nor do I claim to be highly original or entertaining.

Because when I write, its an irresistible compulsion. Its like needing to use the washroom, you get the urge and you just can't relax and focus on anything else until you get it out of your system. At that moment, it just seems like your highest priority.

I'm a reserved person. I like to think I exude quiet confidence, but I'm sure its mostly construed as arrogance by others. I rarely speak my mind on anything in person, especially if I'm feeling emotional.

No, I keep everything tampered down outwards, even though endless thoughts and sentences are zooming around at full speed in my brain at the time. These things have a need to be said, but I'm just too uncomfortable to express them verbally. I usually end up stuttering due to the focused attention, and then end up dissatisfied afterwards for a lousy delivery.

But when I write, somehow everything just falls into place. You can edit your writing, but you cannot edit uttered words. I spend most of my time searching for the exact words that convey my feelings best, to ensure I feel satisfied that I've expressed exactly what I wanted to.

There's nothing I love more than transferring my thoughts onto paper/a screen; watching mere emotions take the form of words, seeing a messy jumble of thoughts become comprehensive paragraphs, and getting fresh inspiration even while I am writing under the compulsion of another inspiration.

This is definitely arrogant: I feel like what I think and feel is too important to go undocumented. No matter if noone likes it or noone even bothers to read it; it only matters that it is written and out there, that little piece of myself that would have eventually extinguished itself if left unsaid. I don't write for anything else, but for the sake of writing.

It's a blessing that I have found my talent in writing, because perhaps I wouldn't feel this way if my writing was lousy and didn't allow me to express what I intended. So thank God for adding an extra pinch of literature powder when making me!

Everyone has an outlet of expression. My main one happens to be writing. My blog is called "exposing my heart", because I'm choosing to expose everything I express from my core.

And even when I'm old and withered, I will still write, because I might as well crippled or dead if writing was denied to me.

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