Saturday, June 23, 2012

Cut me.

I am like Samson; my power is all kept within my hair. And now it is all gone.

All female motivation slogans tell you that "Confidence is Power" no? Well apparently all my confidence lies within each long, lustrous (actually with extremely dry and brittle ends) strand of hair on my head. I have no confidence without it, and thus am powerless without my beloved long hair that cascades across my body.

My hair is my shield. Whenever I'm feeling shy or just want to be left alone, I let my hair fall to cover most of my face to deter possible conversation.

My hair is my sword. When in ponytail form, my hair becomes a martial arts master.

My hair is my pride. Every day I slather on expensive Paul Mitchell serum and every week I use a hair mask, all to help keep my treasured locks silken and shiny. I adore being complimented on my hair - the natural straightness, the softness and smoothness. Oh how I will miss that!

For today that has gone.

One fateful, misguided trip to my regular hairdresser has left my hair a ratty mess. It's barely half the length it was before, and commands noone's attention and will catch noone's fancy. The damage will take possibly 6-7 months to heal, and the agony of enduring the painful, embarrassing period in between that is just overwhelming.

It was so overwhelming I cried all the way back home today. I've lost all appetite and all sense of excitement. I expect this to continue for a long time.

Every time I look into the mirror, I will see myself as a mere shadow of what I was before. I feel a huge weight of dread and anxiety whenever I stare at the limp, stumpy strands that were once gorgeous and flowing. I truly hate myself for letting this happen.

I am NOT being overly dramatic. It's like getting your sports car scratched; you feel life has lost its lustre and you no longer have any desire to leave your house and face the world in your sorry state.

My power is GONE. And all I feel like doing is curling up in my corner and crying for the next half a year till it grows back.

Maybe when this is all over I'll hate myself for being so shallow. But for now, I just wanna wallow in complete self-pity. I am now, by every possibly definition of the word, UGLY.

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