Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sun's a Ho!

[Update on 4th July] 
This post has been listed on! I am unbelievably thankful for my obscure little blog to have been picked up by a foreign news website! So, so grateful to whoever Weijian is; if you're reading this, please send me an email so I can thank you properly!

I hope everyone reading this can appreciate that these are just my small thoughts on the whole issue, and take everything with a pinch of salt. Peace y'all! Hope you enjoy reading!

Excuse my crassness. I just couldn't help myself.

So I'm assuming everyone has heard about the latest scandal regarding Singapore's City Harvest Church (CHC)? Where the founder and spiritual leader Khong Hee and another four senior church members have been charged with siphoning around SGD50m from church donation funds to bankroll Ho Yeow Sun aka Sun Ho's pop music career? Sun Ho is Khong Hee's wife, and CHC has always maintained that her secular music career is aimed at reaching out towards non-Christians.

Well, I have a LOT to say about this! I mean, sure we have a lot of European sex scandals involving priests and altar boys, but this one is just way more scandalous, because it is also unbelievably ridiculous!

I'm not saying that the accused five are guilty of their charges. Even though the situation looks entirely convincing, I am willing to give them the benefit of doubt.

What I want to rant about today is the absolute lunacy that Sun Ho's secular music career is supposed to bring non-Christians to know Christ. Don't get me wrong there, I know that there are many ways to spread the faith, and music has always been and always will be a strong medium for this. But Sun Ho's music has absolutely nothing to do with God, the Christian faith, or any morals in general.

I only watched her English music videos, because I don't listen to Chinese music, and because these would likely be the ones used to "reach out to a greater number of non-Christians". In all her music videos, Sun Ho acts like a complete Hollywood princess wannabe, trying (and failing) to evoke perhaps Lady Gaga and Beyonce. I would honestly describe it as the spoilt Playboy bunny going out to have fun, at the expense of her sugardaddy (churchgoers).

She moves around half naked with a full face of heavy makeup painted on, and gyrates to heavy club beats. The lyrics are meaningless, the vocals are completely autotuned, and her videos are your run-of-the-mill slutdances that glorify sex, drugs, and fun.

"How dare you call me a moneysucking slut, I'm a messenger of God!"

The thing is, her music isn't even good! Like, its already encouraging us to throw all our morals away and get down on our knees in front of strange men instead of the church pew, so it should be comparable to the other clubbing songs of today right? To at least satisfy their aim of reaching out to non-Christians (genitals)?

Well then, even with millions of dollars and the best voice-editing systems, this pastor's wife still sounds unbelievably flat and toneless! I am surprised that she chose this route even though she has zero talent, doubtlessly trying to gain fame.

On a side note, I am also marveled at her level of confidence and self-control, to be able to parade around in skimpy outfits even though she has nothing to show for it. She should have gotten a boob job, so others can "reach out" to her! It would fit her current harlot image so much better anyway.

Oops, I'm sorry! You think I'm being harsh and am overexaggerating? Well here's proof! I'm going to share 3 music videos, in increasing order of interesting-ness, and you can judge for yourself if she's preaching God's message:

1. "Fancy Free"

Well besides the obvious attempt to evoke Lady Gaga and maybe Pink, Sun Ho just looks like yet another self-absorbed popstar wannabe. I apologise for the bad video quality, but our dear friend's music isn't very famous and this was the best I could get. 

I didn't make it through the whole video, and mostly skipped around 30 sec intervals. It was enough to see that all she did was gyrate around in sexy costumes and sing about herself being beautiful, and noone could tell her no. Wonderful message to all non-Christians out there!

2. "Kill Bill"

Congratulations if you managed to watch that whole video! Because I could barely make it through the first 30 seconds. Apologies again for bad video quality.

Do I even need to explain this video? She wants to kill her husband (played by amazingly sexy Tyson Beckford no less! I'm sure one of the world's most famous male models offered himself up to your selfless cause and did not take any money from your church!) because she's a reluctant housewife. Other than looking really cool in some martial arts scenes, she manages to completely massacre my eardrums, yet again bares practically her whole body, and encourages us all to break the fifth Commandment!

This was the video I was referring to earlier, when I mentioned that her voice was a complete trainwreck, and no amount of autotune would be able to give her a shred of talent.

3. "China Wine"

I suppose this was the prelude to the earlier video? Look at our smoking hot Tyson Beckford! I'm sure he did this video for free too!

Noone gets a prize for being able to finish this megabudget video, packed full with scantily clad women, chest and hip thrusts, girl-on-girl caressing, and non-stop references to alcohol. Would anyone like some wine now? Or perhaps more appropriately multiple tequila shots?

Sun Ho collaborates with Wyclef Jean, whom I remember most for his collaboration with Shakira for "Hips Don't Lie", and I'm sure hiring him cost a bomb. I have nothing against this idea of collaborations however. You want to collaborate with international artistes to spread God's word? Why not Coldplay, whose secular music is chockfull of Christian influence? 

Oh right, because you's a Ho.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making slutty videos and being a lousy singer. But when you claim that you are trying to reach out to non-Christians with these videos, you are nothing but a liar. Its like putting a shiny bow on a viper and calling it a puppy. You absolutely disgust me, and you are a disgrace to all Christians everywhere who are truly reaching out through secular music.


I cannot believe that the crackdown on Khong Hee has taken so long to surface! Sun Ho's music career has been ongoing for years now, how come noone realised something wasn't right earlier, when they saw their pastor's wife dancing around like a complete slut?

I'll tell you why: blind faith in man. 

There are many supporters that believe the accused five are completely innocent, especially this guy here who wrote a letter demanding an apology from the authorities. He claims that "church members have given voluntarily to the church", and that "the church does not have to account to the public how the donations are used".

I'm sorry, but how obtuse can a person be? The church members gave money with complete trust in the church board to channel the money to the less fortunate, and if it doesn't end up being channeled that way, you think they should shut up because they willingly donated?

If this guy donated to say, ABC's Children Fund because he believed the money was going to starving kids in Africa, but it turned out that it was funding the founder's drug habit, I bet he wouldn't be spewing such nonsense! I honestly cannot believe how unreasonable and foolish his line of reasoning is! There should be absolutely no justification for using donated funds intended for charity for personal enrichment, no matter if the accused embezzlement is by a church or multinational conglomerate.

If there is a charity scam going on, the public should be made aware.

I am aware that the accused five have not been proven guilty of running a scam, but there is still a need to bring it to public knowledge. And why does he seem so angry that anyone would dare challenge the integrity of his beloved senior church members?

They are only human, and humans make mistakes. Your blind faith should instead be put in God, to pray that justice be done to the accused, and that people will not lose their Christian faith simply because of a few wolves in sheep's clothing.You should pray that this scandal will not stop people from giving money to the church, and that in future all donations will be properly channeled.

You should not be insisting that the accused five shouldn't be accused at all, because it is possible that they did do it, and betrayed everyone's trust in doing so, because they're human.

I'm Catholic, and I understand how angry some people can be for their leader to be charged for such a heinous crime. But I'm also reasonable, and I know that if my priest was guilty of a crime, I would want to know about it; and if he wasn't, then his acquittal would only strengthen the church's bond.

So I say: let justice take its course. The truly innocent would have nothing to hide, and would fear nothing and noone but God.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The ugly truth.

My friend witnessed a robbery last night.

Outside college, an Indian girl was pushed down on the road, and her car was driven off by another Indian man. My friend was at a short distance of perhaps 30m away, and initially thought the whole thing was some bad prank or perhaps a quarrel. Only after another nearby group of collegemates started shouting and giving chase did my friend realise the gravity of what had just occurred.

The police arrived shortly after. My friend was not questioned, and left soon after.

Last night itself, I was walking towards my car in the shopping mall. The moment I stepped into the carpark, I was struck with sudden fear, remembering the many recent kidnapping/robbery cases that have happened to females in such places.

But after I pulled away from the carpark safely, I stopped thinking of how I could avoid being a victim (walk fast, be alert and ready to scream) and what I would do if someone tried to kidnap/rob me (scream, give them belongings if they want them and just RUN AWAY). Instead, I started thinking about what I would do if I was a witness to a such a crime.

If I saw a snatch theft/robbery happening, would I give chase?

Would I stop to help the poor victim? Especially if I was not in a hurry?

Sadly, I could not give myself a satisfactory answer. Which shows that I am at heart, a truly ugly Malaysian, that would never stop to aid a passerby, should it greatly inconvenience me.

I would be too frightened to give chase to any robber. I would be unwilling to call the cops, not just because it would be too late for them to stop the robbers, but also because I didn't want to be inconvenienced by all the relevant questioning that I'd have to go through. And I might go console the victim, but only if there was noone else doing so, and the victim looked completely harmless.

I would likely be that horrible person that just stands by in shock, then probably offer up a prayer for the poor victim, then go on my merry way with a huge story to share with my family tonight, with close friends on whatsapp, and with not so close friends in facebook.

As much as I used to see myself as an all-round decent person, I am shocked to find out that I am not. I may stop to give directions to the lost stranger, but aid them in their greatest hour of distress I don't think I would.

I am selfish and impatient.

And at this very moment, I am making loud disapproving noises because a lady next to me on the train keeps smacking her lips loudly nonstop while eating sour candy. I won't go as far as to tell her off, but I am giving her angry glares and continuing making disapproving noises.

But I digress. I literally would give up everything if a family member or close friend were in need, and I used to think that made me a nice person.

"Treat others like how you want others to treat you". This means we should be kind to everyone, right? Especially these poor victims, because you wouldn't want everyone to be unhelpful when you've just been through a traumatic experience, right?

But then again, the world is not a straightforward, safe place. What if the "victim" was a con artist, and the whole thing was an elaborate scam?

We read about con artists that prey on the sympathies of women; they aim to lower their target's defences when she is unsuspectingly engrossed in the effort to help the "victim", that appears helpless and unfortunate. Who could forget those old over-circulated emails that told us to never go outside at night when hearing a crying baby, or to stop your car to help a stranger by the roadside?

So what if we end up the victims of one of these schemes? We then circulate it on facebook, telling others not to be silly enough to aid robbery victims, because they will pickpocket you etc, and you would be better off if you just minded your own business. Then the world becomes an even more unfriendly and unhelpful place to live in.

In the alternate scenarios of the hapless bystander and victimised helper, who can truly say either was right or wrong?

My friend did not help the victim yesterday. I don't know what I would have done, but I doubt I would have provided much help myself. And this depresses me, because I no longer believe I am a nice person.

But I do hope that should the occasion arise one day, I will rise up to the challenge to be selfless. Even if I might end up the victim in the end.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Cut me.

I am like Samson; my power is all kept within my hair. And now it is all gone.

All female motivation slogans tell you that "Confidence is Power" no? Well apparently all my confidence lies within each long, lustrous (actually with extremely dry and brittle ends) strand of hair on my head. I have no confidence without it, and thus am powerless without my beloved long hair that cascades across my body.

My hair is my shield. Whenever I'm feeling shy or just want to be left alone, I let my hair fall to cover most of my face to deter possible conversation.

My hair is my sword. When in ponytail form, my hair becomes a martial arts master.

My hair is my pride. Every day I slather on expensive Paul Mitchell serum and every week I use a hair mask, all to help keep my treasured locks silken and shiny. I adore being complimented on my hair - the natural straightness, the softness and smoothness. Oh how I will miss that!

For today that has gone.

One fateful, misguided trip to my regular hairdresser has left my hair a ratty mess. It's barely half the length it was before, and commands noone's attention and will catch noone's fancy. The damage will take possibly 6-7 months to heal, and the agony of enduring the painful, embarrassing period in between that is just overwhelming.

It was so overwhelming I cried all the way back home today. I've lost all appetite and all sense of excitement. I expect this to continue for a long time.

Every time I look into the mirror, I will see myself as a mere shadow of what I was before. I feel a huge weight of dread and anxiety whenever I stare at the limp, stumpy strands that were once gorgeous and flowing. I truly hate myself for letting this happen.

I am NOT being overly dramatic. It's like getting your sports car scratched; you feel life has lost its lustre and you no longer have any desire to leave your house and face the world in your sorry state.

My power is GONE. And all I feel like doing is curling up in my corner and crying for the next half a year till it grows back.

Maybe when this is all over I'll hate myself for being so shallow. But for now, I just wanna wallow in complete self-pity. I am now, by every possibly definition of the word, UGLY.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A message to all men.

"You are not pretty.

For pretty is too mild, too weak and inadequate, to be used to describe your alluring presence. No, you my dear, are beautiful."

And in the books, the movies, and probably in many real life scenarios, the girl (or hey, maybe guy if you swing that way) would absolutely swoon over the speech-giver, and proceed to throw herself fully at him, believing that at long last, her fruitless search for true love is over. Here, is a person that has finally seen my true essence, and calls me beautiful! Not pretty, but beautiful!!

I scoff at their naivete.

Like I have endlessly said, Hollywood has dictated way too much of our thinking when it comes to romance. We girls have now grown to think being called merely "pretty" is demeaning as it comes from a superficial view that regards only our looks, but being called "beautiful" is another wonderful experience altogether, where the guy has considered every single aspect of our being.

Somehow, being called "beautiful" now means that you have a kind heart (sometimes they call it beautiful heart to double the effect), a shining personality, and basically you are an amazing person inside and out. You are miles above a "pretty" girl if you are called a "beautiful" one. Almost every girl thinks this way.

And every single guy knows it. I've been called "beautiful" by people I hardly know, doubtlessly expecting me to swoon at them for being so non-superficial, for being a completely refined intellectual that has stared into my very core. When in reality, they have just been staring at my boobs, because to them boobs are beautiful and have kind hearts and shining personalities.

I cannot stand this. I cannot believe guys think calling a girl "beautiful" is all it takes to make us swoon. Worst of all, I cannot believe how many girls fall for it all the time.

I pity the word "pretty", I really do. There is nothing wrong essentially different between both words; if you strip them both down to their core meaning, both mean "attractive".

Yet "pretty" has been cast out and overlooked by Hollywood producers, and has now been replaced by the even more skin-crawling adjective, "hot". Maybe I'm contradicting myself here, because "hot" in this context does refer to attractiveness, but it just seems too uncouth to me. Fine to say to the random stranger at the nightclub, but not for the language of flowers doth "hot" reside.

So by this reasoning, I suppose the only merit I can find for using "beautiful" over "pretty" would probably be that it is much more flowery and appealing in an aesthetic sense. Sure, you look less uncouth when you use the word "beautiful", but you could also express yourself equally well with "pretty", because we all know you aren't referring to a girl's personality. Both words should be able to be used interchangeably, without so much prejudice towards "pretty".

Flowers and scenery are called "beautiful", yet they do not have the depth of a human soul. If one can refer to both the love of their life, and a flower in bloom as "beautiful", suddenly the word doesn't seem as special now does it? You cannot hold or kiss a flower, nor will it provide you with laughter and company, in the infinitely better way than a lover can give; so how can you still think the word is meant to make you swoon, when it can be thrown around so callously with ease?

You wanna call a girl "beautiful" because you think she has a kind heart and shining personality that brightens your days and fills your life with purpose and when you look into her eyes you feel like the stars in the night sky are twinkling back at you? Then bloody tell her all of that, and stop being lazy by shortening it to one silly word that pales in comparison to that whole sentence.

To be clear, I am not dissing guys that call their girlfriends "beautiful". Its wonderful that you want to express your affection towards her. But I am through with the idea that calling a girl "beautiful" is all it takes to woo her, or trick her into believing you're not a shallow person.

Its not enough guys, and it will never be.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


It was a few days ago, when I was walking towards the train station after being dropped off by a friend.

3 Malay guys (no I'm not trying to be racist, but this helps you picture the accent), that were maybe 10m away from me, started going "Ah moiiiii" repeatedly. Now this itself is a regular occurrence, but they went on to shout things like:

"I love you!"

"Do you love me?"

"If you love me, I'll f*** you!"

"Aiyo, sedap-nya dia macam." (direct translation: she looks delicious)

I was uncomfortable, yes, but definitely not worried about anything happening to me. More so, I was disappointed at how they were conducting themselves, and how ridiculous the whole situation looked. I wasn't worried for my safety, not because of my close proximity to the train station and all the staff there that recognise me, but for much more obvious reasons.

These Malay dudes were much younger, and even shorter than me.

I mean, aren't they embarrassed at all that they are hitting on someone maybe 6 years older than them? (They looked around 13.) I honestly felt kinda sorry for them, maybe they're just really short for their more mature ages, or perhaps I look younger than I am? (Yay!)

Or maybe, this bloody "cougar" thing has gone out of control. I know quite a few guys that say they only like older girls, not even those the same age would do! They claim older girls are more sophisticated, experienced, and sexy.

I dunno, but it all seems so ridiculous to me. The thought that in any world, I would find someone my age dating a 13 year old seems so indecent. Its equivalent to the mental gap between Hugh Hefner and any one of his bunnies. It just makes you shudder in discomfort and disgust.

Ptui. Yet another unpleasant day of commuting. Meeting icky, smelly, noisy people has become and unfortunate daily occurrence in the life of the daily commuter.

I cannot wait for when I have no need to take the stupid, inadequate train service everyday. Just 11 more months to go.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

My comments on "The Faces of Haters".

This post will detail my two cents regarding the current controversy over Xiaxue's "The Faces of Haters" post a few weeks back, and her latest update of "The Faces of Haters part II - Unrepentant".

Unless you're a homeless dude living under a bridge (hope you don't get eaten!) and have no Internet access, you will know who Xiaxue is: arguably Asia Pacific's most popular blogger, and is not shy to go full out on controversial topics. People either love or hate her (hard to be indifferent about highly opinionated people; I personally love her blog), and there are furores that rise up from time to time whenever she blogs about unpopular, controversial topics, in particular her posts that name and shame people who have annoyed her too much.

However, this particular incident has garnered the most public attention so far. In a nutshell if you're too lazy to read her lengthy posts (in which case you're missing out, and this post is gonna be really wordy anyway), she basically went on a blogger revenge rage, and posted information, pictures, and provided mostly insulting views on guys that called her things like "ugly", "prostitute", "dumb" etc on a facebook page that recently posted pictures of herself and other blogger friends attending a PAP rally last year. The information she posted was available for viewing on anyone who clicked on these guys' facebook pages, which were set to "public", and some pictures she posted included the dudes' wife and/or kids.

Part II was where Xiaxue addressed the main criticisms of her previous post, and also showed us the reactions of a few of the guys she blogged about. So now, these guys feel "their right and their family's right to privacy has been compromised", and they might be right in thinking so, because they could actually sue her for her actions. It should be noted that they are all pissed off and feeling self-righteous, instead of embarrassed and repentant.

So what do I have to say about this?

1. The guys are disgusting assholes.

Well this is self-explanatory. No decent, level-minded person in the world would click on a stranger's picture, and leave nasty, hurtful comments.

The Internet makes these things easy. If you point at a woman in public and say "whore", chances are high that you would end up greatly embarrassed because some auntie would come up to you and give you a longass lecture about respect at the top of her lungs, or bruised and perhaps bloodied if the woman is not alone. Online however, the cloak of anonymity and distance makes you feel more reckless.

These guys weren't even anonymous; they used their facebook profiles to comment, and had their personal information available to the world's access at the click of a button. Yet, there were still shameless enough to insult innocent strangers, and still put on the show of a maligned person. 

I imagine they went around to hoard sympathy from their family and friends like this:

"Oh boohoo to me! This bimbotic whore blogged about me and posted pictures of my family too! She is so awful and an elitist daft, I should sue her and flame her! What do you mean I started it first? Limpeh very innocent ok, only posted a comment on some small facebook page and not to the whole world!"

Honestly, I really cannot understand how they would expect others to sympathies with them. You yourself chose to be an asshole and post mean things online; how can you act so bloody victimised when your victim chooses to hit back?

And also, I would here bring up a huge point: They know who Xiaxue is.

I mean, they are all Singaporeans, and she's all over the media there from time to time, no? You see her in the newspaper, hear her on the radio, watch her online show etc. Even if they are not readers of her blog, I bet they still know that she is a blogger, and a very famous one at that, because they are clearly not homeless guys with no Internet access. 

I bet you anything these guys know who Xiaxue is, and yet they still chose to mess with her. Did they honestly expect to get away with insulting a local celebrity, whose blog is gets an average of 40000 unique visits everyday, and get away scot-free?

Xiaxue's part II stated that none of the guys had approached her to apologise for their actions. How can they not feel ashamed for being so horribly disrespectful to another woman they don't even know, when they have wives and sisters and mothers themselves? I see no possible way for anyone, at all, to think this is reasonable behavior and choose to side with the guys over Xiaxue.

2. The furore over the posting of family pictures.

I don't see why this was a big deal. I mean, yes it must be embarrassing for the wives when people recognise them, but who was even focusing on the wives when reading the post? I don't think posting the kids' pictures should amount to any backlash: the kids were either babies or toddlers (she didn't post pictures of any teenage kids that might be embarrassed by their peers), and this likely wouldn't affect them one bit.

But yes, those poor wives. I mean, now they are labelled as the wife of a disgusting asshole. People now probably point at her and whisper about her behind her back; and even if they don't, the wives probably still feel scrutinised and embarrassed every time they step out of the house.

Even though the comments would mostly be that of pity for the wife for being the unfortunate partner of a Geylang regular, no self-respecting person likes to be the object of pity and gossip. They would likely here be innocent victims of this entire thing. They might even avoid talking to their friends and colleagues for some time, choosing to lay low and become a social recluse until this whole state of affairs blows over for the next scandal.

I mean, not everyone can handle great amounts of public attention. I just hope that none of the wives go into deep depression over the stress of it all.

So yes, I do agree that Xiaxue probably should not have posted pictures of the guys' family. Having said that, I do not think it was an intrusion of privacy, which was another huge outcry from said disgusting assholes. It should be noted that copyright infringement would be the basis of any legal action taken against Xiaxue, under Singapore's Copyright Act.

I actually went to read the Act, and yes, they do have a case against her. However, s.12.1.11 allows certain acts that would not constitute copyright infringement, which include for the purposes of criticism or review, and reporting current events; and anyway Xiaxue has a prima facie case for defamation. I am also certain that Xiaxue would have consulted a lawyer before posting something so controversial.

Every single picture posted on her blog was available on the guys' facebook profiles and accessible to the general public, so this doesn't seem like an invasion of privacy to any layperson. If anything, the guys should feel terrible for putting their family in such a compromising situation. It is not very difficult to change your profile setting to "private" if you don't want random people to access them, you know.

So to conclude, I do not think that posting the guys' family pictures was nice, but it definitely was not wrong.

3. "Taking the high road" vs "Giving them hell"

Well, this should be an issue for Xiaxue alone to decide, no?

What would you do if one day, you discovered that a picture of you was on another facebook page, with hundreds of nasty comments from people you have never seen in your life? Complete strangers calling you a "prostitute" and other mean things?

I wouldn't have been very gracious about it. My blog isn't viewed by many people, but that wouldn't have stopped me from going all Benihana on them, by any means possible. I probably would have posted lots of status updates on facebook too, that insulted those guys and wished them unhappy things.

Its so easy to tell someone to take the high road. Because yes, that would be the ideal thing to do, in a perfect world where the sun shines everyday on a whitesand beach, where we all wear expensive shades and big floppy hats, drinking fruity cocktails on striped deckchairs. But I honestly don't think anyone (except Mother Theresa) put in that situation would stay silent and do nothing to hit out that those guys.

It was unkind, and perhaps a tad excessive, but I think Xiaxue was right to choose to defend herself instead of letting it go. 


And there we go, my two cents (okay maybe ten) on the latest blogger controversy. 

I would like to think that Xiaxue's post would make a big difference in the world, that guys would stop being degrading to women, especially to completely innocent strangers; but who are we kidding? After a few more weeks, this will all die down.

Xiaxue will blog about beautiful, sunshiney holiday getaways and bright, fun advertorials; the guys' wives will have either left them or forgiven them, and most of them will go back to their usual lewd activities after some time, because a leopard can't change its spots. Until the next time their paths cross with another furious, unforgiving, and influential woman.

But hey, it sure was entertaining as hell.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Resolve of steel.

I realise I have come across as confused and frustrated pertaining to matters of my education/career path in certain previous posts. True, I still have no idea what I plan to do with my life, and its been starting to dawn on me that no, I will not be scouted to become rich and famous overnight for any reason, despite what certain Hollywood movies have chosen to tell me.

I have yet to decide if I should remain in and complete my course, switch courses, or even God (read: parents) forbid, drop out and take a gap year. The problem however, remains that I have yet to identify a more attractive career field option; and also that although I do not adore my current position, I am comfortable with it, and do not dread getting up every day to brain-straining law volumes. Why fix what isn't broken, just because of a lack of passion?

Today, I not entirely broken free from the jungle of doubt and insecurity towards the future, but the foggy mist that has left me blindly stumbling has lifted. Understanding has dawned upon me that I am the most kiasu (direct translation: afraid of losing/sore loser) person I know.

I suppose I am a little above average when it comes to academic nonsense. It balances out though so don't hate me, because I have literally zero social life and I have the level of technological knowledge that a 2 year old would possess during the pre-iPad era. I have always scored highly for major tests, and although I still am happily surprised everytime it happens, I suppose it has led to exceedingly high expectations that I have set for myself.

I had a mini test today.

I knew since 2 weeks ago, yet neglected to prepare for it until late last night, starting at almost midnight. Reasons for this include that I have studied 95% of this material last year and I have pretty good memorising skills, but mainly that I was a victim of major procrastination. No arguments here, I brought the large boulder of stress onto myself.

And then I sat down today for my test. Despite not preparing as well as I know I should have, I know that I pushed myself to the very limits of my capability to argue. I know that I have put down every case I could possibly squeeze from the very back of my memory, and I feel satisfied with my first two essays of the year.

And it feels...rewarding. Rewarding to know that I still can put a strong foot forward even after all my nonsensical crap and being too lazy to study. Rewarding to know that I am still able to trounce others that have put in more effort than I have. Most rewarding of all, to know that I do have something to give; that I have a great deal of potential to contribute to the world, and that I just need to work harder in finding an avenue for it.

Because I know I did well today. And I will do well in the test next Friday. And the big scary finals in 55 days. Confused about my future I may still be, but I'll be damned if I allow potential good results to slip through my fingers just to feel sorry for myself.

Because I have a freaking 4.0 GPA from last year to maintain, damnit. I don't have the freaking luxury of time to allow myself to doubt my path anymore, or at least until the last paper is over.

Monday, June 4, 2012

A woman's place is in the kitchen.

Yes, because that's where the knives are kept. Its also where you keep a supply of gas and a stove. And I suppose as Rapunzel has recently shown us, heavy cookery, especially frying pans, can pack a good punch too.

A good punch is what some men deserve to receive in the gonads.

These are the same men that claim women cannot complain about guys that hurt them, because they themselves are the idiots that have fallen for the "bad boys", the asshole guys, and have overlooked the other guys (those with sore gonads) that for long have loved them from afar. The same bastards that think a woman should be able to cook, clean, maintain an hourglass figure, and give a good blowjob. Preferably all at the same time.

But that is not all! A woman can NEVER EVER earn more, drive better, be more handy with a toolbox/gearbox, or be smarter than him in any area that he might feel threatened by being inferior in comparison.

So basically, they want a dumb blonde with a huge rack. Male chauvinist pigs.


Like I've mentioned in my previous post, I've been on an unproductive study break. I've watched 15 movies in 5 days (more specifically 14 movies in 4 days), and as such, my brain has been filled with gooey boy-meets-girl nonsense. Yes, I am very non-experimental with my movie picks and choose only to watch happy, feel-good flicks. Before you shake your head and call me uncultured, its because I believe movies are a source of entertainment that should relax you, not stress you out.

But anyway, I feel like I'm living vicariously through the leading characters' love lives, because I have none of my own to speak of. When I posed this grouse to a friend, he went "why not just go out and get a boyfriend dammit!"

Why not indeed. The good ones are either taken, in love, or gay. The remainders are either assholes as explained above, or completely ineligible.

Maybe its because I have standards. I like smart, confident (this alone rules out all the shallow, insecure assholes), kind-hearted guys that will take me on when I want to debate on nonsensical issues, that will tolerate my endless droning, make me feel safe and secure, and still want to give me little happy surprises. I mean yes, I do have shallow requirements too: tall, masculine, good-looking (or at least not ugly) etc; but that all ceases in importance with time.

In short, I suppose I have realised that literally every single one of my closest friends are taken. Like, they are all in happy, long-term, stable relationships. And while I am genuinely happy for them all, they have eventually taken their toll on me, and I currently feel like an unwanted brat sometimes during outings.

What I do commend myself on however, is that I have not lowered my standards one bit. If anything, I have raised them, in the hope that my future beau will treat me at least as well as how my friends are treating their partners. In the meantime though, I still remain very much single and very much a bright, squeaky third wheel.

The very thought makes me feel bored and depressed. I suppose I'll go hunt in the kitchen now for a little snack.

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