Saturday, November 19, 2011

More to life.

"When you face your fear of the world of tomorrow, you become a different person altogether." -- author unknown.

I realise that this is going to be an unpopular topic. Nevertheless, it is one I knew with absolute certainty that this just had to be my next post, which is why I've been putting off blogging. That, and I've been really busy with my exams the past few weeks, which are now OVER yay!

So anyway, today's topic is the ever-uncomfortable discussion of Death, and what I believe lies beyond the grave. Please note that this is a very personal discussion, and my personal opinion was formed throughout this whole week of deep reflection. Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion on such a sensitive issue.

I don't know how the thought just crept up in my head about 10 days ago. Suddenly, I was caught in the fear of the unknown, of what would happen once we passed beyond that astral curtain.

Would we just cease to exist? That all our experiences and spirit would fade away together with a rotting corpse? Or would we simply pass on from one form of existence to another, aka reincarnation?

The uncertainty of what lies beyond made me horribly anxious, leaving me unable to eat, sleep, or generally focus on anything else. I literally felt a huge permanent weight in my stomach, and it felt as if even my senses had dulled, leaving the world around me strangely dreary.

I am a Catholic Christian, and so is my entire family. Since before I could remember, we were taught that when we die, we would be Judged by God, and either sentenced to a life in Heaven or Hell for eternity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I also believe that this is the viewpoint of most other major religions.

Either way, I was torn apart. I felt I was in a very dark place in my mind, and I felt that life was so meaningless, that our time was so limited that we could die merely seconds from now. My life felt like Final Destination after that, and with everything I did I pictured how it could tragically result in ultimate demise.

I just had so many concerns over this uncertain future. How did death feel like? Was it unbearably painful? Was it an incomparable feeling of deep relief? Or was there no sensation at all? Also important, would we ever see our loved ones again?

I was so afraid.

The fear persisted to haunt me in everything I did, and so I just had to face it. The fear of uncertainty of the world of tomorrow is a constant fear that I believe almost everyone has encountered and promptly dismissed. But since death is one thing we all will face one day, it would make much more sense if we addressed this fear.

I went into a lot of thought, reasoning, and most importantly prayer. It was unbelievably soul-draining and emotional, but I believe I came out a better, more focused person. Fear is a powerful thing indeed, and should be used as a driving force, not a crippling one.

What I came up with was that I truly believe that we were put on this earth for a reason, and that we were not going to pass over into nothingness, because that was not the purpose of our creation.

I guess facing my fear brought me closer to my religion. I believe that if we do our absolute best, one day we'll be rewarded for it. And people you love now, you will meet again in the next life. We will never walk alone, because the everloving God is always by our side.

Thus, it is time I live my life to serve Him, instead of to serve man. Time to be less selfish and judging towards others, and work on improving myself. For we are not people of the world, but people of God's kingdom.

I suppose reflecting on this also helped me pinpoint the most important things in my life : my relationships. My ties with God, family, and friends. It is just too easy to take things and people for granted, but once they're gone, you miss them so much and wish you had appreciated them more before. I no longer want to feel that deep-seated regret of not allowing one to make a greater impact on my life while they were still alive.

I hope that through this reflection, I will become a better person. I have since no longer been carrying that huge ball of fear and anxiety in my stomach, but the lessons learned remain afresh.

Please note yet again that I understand that this is just my own viewpoint, and it was very difficult to share it as it really is highly personal. I respect everyone else's view on this subject, and I have no intention of forcing my beliefs on anyone.

All I hope is that for whoever reads this, you will learn to treasure each fleeting moment more than before, because the only thing one can be completely sure of in life is death. Live your life to the fullest!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to enjoy the sunshine while we still have an ozone layer to prevent me from turning into a scary zombie-esqe mutant. Next up, to join the zombie army and bring about the zombie apocalypse!

(I'm just kidding. Honestly, I think the zombie apocalypse is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of, yet its still become so scarily popular. We are NOT going to be hunted and eaten by reanimated corpses, nor can we re-kill the undead with fire and bullets. Just saying.)

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