Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My heart skips a beat.

How do you expect me to react to your platonic words, when every fibre of my being wishes to hurl myself across at you?

Knowing that it is not in the slightest way possible that anything could ever transpire from this unfortunate infatuation, how am I supposed to handle things?

As it is, how do you control whom your heart beats for, whose name you most long to pop up on your phone screen, whom's arms you most want to be in, and whom remains the last thought in your head and the first when you wake up?

This is ridiculous.

It's been going on for so long. This crazy little crush that has been occupying my thoughts and fantasies for the past month.

All I know of you is what you choose to project to the world. I choose to believe you have a beautiful soul, and a pure heart.

I choose to believe that the passion that flares in your eyes when you speak of what clearly excites you is real. I choose to admire your supposed amazing dedication and your hardworking spirit.

Sometimes, looks really do not matter. I hardly even notice how you look like. (Unless you're wearing a suit, which I have a fetish for.) What lies beneath your surface is sufficient to keep me wrapped around your little finger.

However, since I do not know you at all, how do I really know that is who you really are? Or is everything just an intriguing facade?

Regardless, you have no idea I exist. To you, I am just another within a sea of meaningless faces. To think otherwise would be foolish.

It would be much more sensible for you to be with one of your own circle, and not with one who would clearly cause much trouble for both sides. Given a choice, I'm certain you would rather want someone you could connect better with on every level.

Also, I've been down a similar path before. It hurt so much the previous time, what makes me think this will be any different?

But don't you see, you can't rationalise everything.

I can't explain why this persistent infatuation lingers, or why this spark alights within me with you.

This has to be the most reckless crush I've ever had. Given that if it actually worked out between us, I would be sacrificing my whole future.

Honestly, my whole life would be turned upside down if this actually came to be. I would lose every shred of credibility I ever had, and the ensuing rumour mill would be brutal and scarring.

Regardless, I still want this; want you.

And it scares me sometimes, how deeply you can fall, how strongly you can long, for someone you don't know.

For ML : with all my heart.

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