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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Frustration.

I feel like a fool. It seems like everywhere I turn, my bad decisions choose to follow me.

I'm tired of this. It's bad enough I know that I'm completely unprepared for what is to come. I don't need added expectations of so many weighing down my shoulders and shrieking in my ears.

Depression? Possibly. Am definitely exhausted enough to qualify as being completely stressed out. Sleep deprivation does that to you.

That's right y'all.


It's exam season.

Hours upon hours of last minute cramming; blaming my incessant procrastinating for putting me yet again in this position I swore I'd never put my self in again.

Every time I struggle to remember yet another fact that has casually sashayed off my brain, I feel yet another soul-draining moment of pure terror.

It's not easy being me. (Oh har har, yet another typical teenage warcry.)

But when blessed with abilities of more than the average student, you tend to stand out, which leads to so much being expected of you. The pressure alone would kill anyone.

And yourself of course. Letting down yourself that would be the worst failure of all. Clichéd perhaps, but aren't most clichés true to begin with?

Especially at this stage of your life. Tertiary education is so different because it's something you actually feel passionate about.

But to be able to write 3 long essays in 1 and a half hours has proven to be one of the hardest challenges ever faced. And I truly worry it will lead to my downfall.

Seems as if no matter how hard I try, I'm still a far cry away from what I want to achieve. Procrastination is following me everywhere.

It sticks to me like a second shadow and seems to have brought along it's good pal Anxiety. (Oh yes hello there.)

But many have walked down this road and excelled. I know I could too, but it's so highly unlikely at this stage.

It feels like I'm heading for imminent doom.

And this frustrates me.

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